Office Art

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Master Chief-Watercolor & Marker

To be fair, I’m not sure if I can legally call this a watercolor painting. I’m no mathematician, but I’m guessing that at least 50% of this image is the Sharpie marker I used for the black vectoring. Regardless, I still like it. I actually liked it more without the color but what’s done is done now. Continue reading “Master Chief-Watercolor & Marker”

Mario Bead Party

 

Have you ever been in a store and seen someone shopping in an aisle that just didn’t seem quite right? Like a kid in the medicine aisle, a teenage boy in the woman’s underwear aisle, or a grown man in the toy aisle? I witnessed one of these scenarios today, only because they had changing mirrors next to me in the women’s underwear department… I kid… or do I? Seriously now, I was the man in the third scenario today. In my defense, however, my inner child was probably on full display. Continue reading “Mario Bead Party”

Art & Woodworking

20181103_152350As you can tell from the above image, I have acquired quite a bit of art supplies over the course of my life. Recently I decided that a new way of storing my supplies was in order, so I drew up an idea in my mind for a storage box. My criteria for the box were simple, it needed to be functional, simple, not an eyesore, and made from recycled wood and parts. Continue reading “Art & Woodworking”

Iphone Photo Of Saturn

I know, this isn’t my normal sarcastic web comic BS. Sorry folks.  Come back in a few days and i’ll make it up to you. I actually took this photo some time ago using my Iphone 4(5? idk) and a cheap telescope. I had to build a custom mounting apparatus ( Duct Tape ) to mount the phone to the eye piece on the telescope. The results were amazing to me then and still are today. Might be taking more space photos in the near future. Stay tuned… Hope you enjoy the fuzzy view.

Dummy Holes

step-dad0001
The Foreman – 2006

The Story.

My first real job was working as a laborhand on a natural gas installation crew. My foreman was a short redheaded man known as “Shorty”. Shorty was so short that he had to look up at me as he told me what to do. Though this was somewhat comical to me, he always had the last laugh. Often it felt as if he were singling me out more than other guys on the crew. My only job was to grab a shovel, dig a hole, and find the buried pipe. Shorty points and I dig. That’s how it worked.

Sometimes he would make me dig, what I would later call “dummy holes”. These are holes that have nothing for you to find. There is no pipe in these holes. There is no real reason to dig at all. The foreman would use dummy holes as punishment for guys who didn’t want to do their job. If you tried to protest they just pretend they had picked the wrong spot by mistake. Of course, this was only after you spent a couple of hours digging and sweating. I didn’t like this job and I didn’t like Shorty. To be fair I hadn’t liked this man for a very long time, since I was about eight years old to be precise.

Shorty was not only my boss, he had been my stepfather since I was eight years old. We didn’t get along very well as I made my way through adolescence. At home it didn’t matter if we got along, I could just be a little bitch and leave the house. At work it was different. He was the Boss at work. You were going to show up on time and do your job… or you were going to dig dummy holes all day until you got fired or you quit.

…I was fired.

 

I hated him even more after he fired me. How could he fire his own stepson? I was so delusional that I decided I could figure this whole “life” thing out on my own. I set off searching for my dream job. No one was going to dictate my life.  One month later I was still jobless and broke. Shorty offered me my job back… I accepted.

The truth is Shorty was a great stepfather. He did his best even if I couldn’t see it growing up. He could have easily given up on me but he never did. He rehired me but he never showed me favoritism. He made me do the hard work that was required to build my career in the industry I work in today. Though I proudly say that I have went well beyond those early days, I know where I started and I know who was there when I began.

Shorty is one of the biggest people in my life… even if I still have to get stuff off of the top shelf for him.

shorty-at-night
“Shorty” 2016- Night Time Emergency Call

I Saved A Baby.

No really, I did. My one year old niece locked herself in her parents car today. No idea how but she did. Being the way I am, I go and grab a couple of metal clothing hangers, my multitool, and I get to work building my car lock pick (I’ve done this many times, don’t ask). 

While I’m busy building my lock pick, mom is freaking out and calls the Police, Fire department, EMS, U.S. Army, Navy Seals, Delta Force, President Obama, everyone!  So just as I’m getting started on the lock half of the city shows up. The Fire Department starts working on the passenger side trying to break in since I am already on the driver door. Their big idea? Wedge the door wish an arm collar, like the one the doctor (Not Doctor Who) uses. So they shove that into the door and start pumping.  By the time they were done I already had the window down and was unlocking the car. I was a damn hero!

What happened next? The fire fighters and the EMS guys all shook hands with each other, congratulating each other on a job well done, and they left. Only one person acknowledged me afterwards, the cop who first arrived on the scene. To that Cop, thank you. To the fire fighters and EMS… at least you showed up quick. Thanks for nothing though you ass hats. My child would have been of more use to me today in that situation than seven fully trained, grown men, and she is missing a chromosome. I wish I could read the report they turn in today…

Anyway, that really all happened then we went to ride Airboats and watch a man wrestle an alligator. Yay!  

Coopertown Airboat Rides
HELL NO
The Florida Everglades.

So yeah, that was my day. I didn’t get any pictures of myself saving a baby because I was busy saving the baby… you know how it goes.